Thanksgiving, Forced Gratitude, and Going Home
When my turn came, the host asked me about the challenges of dealing with family during the holidays. I talked about how to maintain your compassion for struggling family members instead of taking irritating and hurtful questions personally. While this practice can be effective in helping avoid hurt, anger, and conflict, it is not the only way to deal with divisive family members.
The Three Circles Communication Tool
The “3 Circles Exercise” illustrates a communication tool that can be used with any relationship, whether it is between parent and child, partners, friends, or coworkers. It is a template that can aid in clarifying boundaries, mediating conflictual relationships, and managing codependence. In the illustration, there are three different circles, “My Circle,” the “Relationship Circle,” and the “Other’s Circle.” And in each, there are specific responsibilities.
Are You Ready to Do Your Own Work?
Joseph Campbell, the renowned scholar on mythology, observed that the world’s myths and epic tales share a core pattern. He called this pattern “the Hero’s Journey.” Describing the plight of humankind, it can be found in epic stories, in religions, and in the lives of every person. The three major chapters of the journey include the separation, the initiation, and the return. Upon entering the separation, the hero must answer the call to adventure, leave the known, and travel into the mysterious unknown to begin the personal quest. This journey provides the hero with the lessons one needs in one's life.
What If You Are Right Where You Are Supposed to Be?
Consider this: You are exactly at the place you are meant to be at this exact moment in time.
Societal norms, rules, and expectations tell us that we should be following a specific pattern in our lives, which in large part revolves around uninterrupted education with the end-goal of solidifying our financial future. Go to school from almost the moment we can talk. Preschool, elementary, middle-school or junior high, high school, college, and then for many, graduate school. Start your career, find a partner--someone you can share your life with, start a family, and so on. White picket fence and all.
We can do (the right) hard things
When my daughter was eight years old she asked to be signed up for city league basketball. I signed her up, and bought her some sweet basketball shoes and a jersey. I was excited to watch her bouncy brown pony tail move up and down the court, and to see her try a new sport. After the first two games, it was clear that she hated it. Hated it. She begged to quit, and I responded with one of my favorite "Mom-isms" at the time. “We can do hard things!” I pushed her to each game, where she would sit on the bench in sadness, and what I know now as anxiety.